ioduanlogs | If the World Goes Blind and I Lose my Mind

Entry tags:

If the World Goes Blind and I Lose my Mind

Characters: Valdis and some open
Date: May
Location: Around Aifaran
Situation: Various
Warnings/Rating: In Headers

Anani was being insistent, but there was no way dawn had approached, it was still too dark. Valdis rolled over, blinking against...nothing. There weren’t even shadows and even in darkness, there should have been even darker spots. She sat up, continuing to blink. As an experiment, she activated Soul Sight, Anani lit up right next to her, as did some fainter souls throughout the building. Turning it off, however, left her in darkness.

“Anani?”

The cat mewed and rubbed his head against her arm. Valdis looked over at him, but saw nothing but darkness. There was only one explanation, but how. Panic overcame logic, but only temporarily. The blindness wouldn’t last, right?

(OOC: Contrary to hope, Valdis will be blind this month. Have fun!]

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(Devin’s Inbox)

[Devin’s yimo rings until it goes to voicemail. There are weird scuffling noises, followed by the sounds of mewing, a clatter which sounds like the yimo has fallen, followed by more mewing and then Valdis’ voice.]

Anani! Whatever you are doing, don’t.

[Louder mews, skittering as the yimo slides across a wooden floor and a clunk as it hits something else. Scuffling, a loud thump, followed by some swearing in another language. The creak of a door as it opens.]

Where are you going?

[She definitely sounds upset, perhaps there’s even a hint of fear.]

I’m locking you out…If I can even find the lock.

[There’s nothing but the sound of slow movement for several breaths, then another creak as the door shuts and a click as it locks. More slow movement, a crash, more swearing, then the call ends due to lack of room in the inbox]

It had taken perhaps too much convincing to make her leave her apartment, but as Valdis didn’t know how long she would be afflicted with this, she knew she couldn’t hide forever. Hila had stepped in to be her eyes, and with the ka’s help, she was able to navigate the streets, though slowly. The white wolf now lay next to her at Klaus’ cafe, one paw on her foot so she didn’t need to keep soul sight active, something which was difficult to hold long term. Valdis sat with a book open on her lap, her fingers moving along the raised bumps on the page.

Learning braille had been an act of boredom, she never thought she’d actually find it useful, but Devin had found the books in the library, so perhaps the Dreaming had some grace after all. Valdis had read these stories before, the Arthurian Romances weren’t exactly light, but they were entertaining enough, and admittedly more interesting at the moment than the Odyssey, which still sat at her apartment.

It was still strange to hear, smell and sense things that she couldn’t see, but she’d adapted in the past, she should be able to adapt now. Hopefully.

Valdis was very unsure about this plan. Hila had suggested that, since they didn’t know when he sight would return, she needed to figure out how to use her other senses in order to fight. The ka had assured her that the ground here was flat and free of large debris, but not being able to see it made her hesitate to try.

Your muscles remember, Hila sighed from her left, Lack of sight does not change that.

“I can’t fight if I can’t see my surroundings,” Valdis replied. “Muscle memory won’t help me avoid a tree. My speed and strength are useless against weapons I cannot see, against distances I can’t calculate. I can’t do this.”

So you are going to give up? Hila’s voice was to the right now, and she sounded calm.

“No,” Valdis drew her sword. She didn’t want to give up, but without sight, she didn’t see how she could be the same warrior she had been.

Good, because someone is coming.

Edited 2018-05-01 23:57 (UTC)

[When Devin finally gets around to checking his yimo, he is... highly bemused by the message that's waiting for him. It's not like Valdis to misdial or be clumsy, and the sounds that he hears leave him concerned, especially the second time through.

It's not giving him answers so he calls back, with no reply. He's done with work for the day, and instead of going home he makes his way to Valdis' new apartment. It doesn't take Devin long to find it, since he's grown relatively familiar with the city. Out of courtesy, he opts to knock rather than barge right in. He can hear that she's in there, at least.]

Valdis? Can I come in?

[A low, happy mew greets Devin, and Anani comes up behind him, arching his back and rubbing against the Vampire's leg.

Valdis didn't really know what to do about her current situation. She's memorized certain aspects of the layout of her apartment, and as long as nothing moved, making it to and from the door was easy enough, even if she went more slowly than usual.

The knock startles her, but the fact that it is only Devin is both aggravating and a relief, though it takes her a moment to respond. He's not stupid and pretending to not be here wouldn't get her very far. She rose from her bed, holding onto the headboard to give her some sense of where she was.]

It's locked, just give me a few minutes.

[Valdis doesn't see the point in acting as if nothing is wrong, but she takes care to move through the space so she doesn't trip on anything. Not that anything may have moved. It does, in fact, take a few minutes to reach the door, but she finds the lock easily enough and opens the door to nothing but the scent and sense of the vampire. This affliction was becoming annoying.]

Can I help you with something?

Kit knows a thing or two about fighting while backed into a corner--especially if it's a corner of his body's own making. He hadn't asked to have his hearing beaten out of his left ear as a kid; he hadn't asked for a lot of the shitty circumstances that life dumped upon him.

His crap hearing means that he isn't drawn to this particular plain due to hearing Valdis talk to herself. Instead, he's jogging absently after his little bibiru companion as he hop-hop-hops away with his leash trailing through the grass after him. Catching hold of the end of it, Kit is in the process of mumbling, "Come here before something eats you," under his breath when he spots Valdis, her sword drawn and her expression pulled into something like anger. Whatever friendly greeting he has prepared for his former roommate fails him then. Something is clearly wrong.

"Hey there," he calls out to her, hoping his voice will be familiar enough that she won't mark him as a threat. "It's Kit. You all right?"

Even with Hila's warning, her heart skipped with the sudden sound of Kit's voice. She spooked sideways like a prey animal, dropping Revelations in her brief panic.

"Gods," she said, breathlessly, "Don't sneak up on people, Kit."

She didn't know where he was standing, but looked in the general direction of his voice, catching his scent an instant later. She shook her head, debating over how hard it would be to bluff her way through this interaction. She couldn't leave her sword on the ground, however, no warrior would leave their blade in the dirt. Problem was, she couldn't actually see it, which led to the fact that Kit would have to be very stupid to not figure out something was wrong. Damn.

"But, no, I am currently experiencing some visual difficulties. Can you please hand me my sword?"

When she spooks, Kit immediately draws up short and lifts up both hands in an instinctive do-no-harm kind of gesture; this definitely lends credence to his theory that something is wrong, and she verifies that with her words a moment later.

I am currently experiencing some visual difficulties. Can you please hand me my sword?"

Visual difficulties. Well, it didn't take a bunch of Shapers to figure out what that meant. "Yeah, sure," he answers, and takes several heavy steps through the grass towards where the sword has fallen in the grass. With a mumble of, "careful, buddy, don't sniff that," to his inquisitive bibiru, he picks up the weapon by its hilt with the ease of a seasoned veteran, then crosses the ground towards Valdis to offer it out to her, hilt first.

"This must've come on quick," he tells her, cutting right to the chase. There's no point in beating around the bush. "What happened?"

Why she had decided to take a walk at night only made sense in the context of her being unable to see anyway. The lack of other people made it quiet, enabling her to hear better without the din of crowds. Valdis had one hand gripping Hila’s thick fur, the white wolf helping guide her through the mostly empty streets. Hila also stood as a deterrent to any criminal or annoyance that might otherwise bother her, so her hesitation to move around the city wasn’t nearly as bad as it had been several days ago.

The crisp smell of the sea, followed by the sound of waves, told her they were approaching the beach. Valdis released Hila’s fur once she felt the land shift to shand. The light wind felt nice after staying cooped up most of the time since her discovery. If she closed her eyes, she could pretend that nothing was wrong. Until she heard a voice on the wind, a very familiar voice, one that sent ice up her spine. Looking around would do her no good, and there wasn’t a scent on the air aside from the sea and land. Hila didn’t seem concerned, but the voice came again, closer.

He wasn’t here, she would know if he was, Hila would have reacted. He wasn’t here.

Valdis can hear the sound of his feet striking the ground and feel the vibrations of his approach. Actually taking the offered blade when she couldn't see it might have proved more of a problem if it weren't for the fact that Kit's form lit up with Soul Sight. She still tentatively reached out, inferring where the hilt was from his stance. It wasn't until her hand closed around the hilt that she let her sight magic fade into nothing, though the sword lit up at her touch, the blade glowing softly and the red gem in the hilt beginning to pulse in time with her heart.

"Thanks." She sheathed it without too much difficulty, "I suspect the Dreaming is involved, my magic is usually better at defending me from such things."

She needed to pretend she was fine, that there wasn't any fear or weakness over her current condition. It was essential that no one thought less of her. There was nothing she hated more than pity.

"Valdis!"

X had been having an oddly difficult time tracking Valdis down ever since the incident in the park last month. Or, well... perhaps not oddly difficult, given her reaction at the time. X wouldn't ever blame someone for not wanting to confront themselves. He wished he could give her the space she wanted, the space she clearly needed, but this was far too important not to pursue.

"Valdis!" he called again, relieved that this time, his hunch had panned out. Asking around Aifaran about a large wolf would only ever have worked if Valdis had decided to shapeshift again, but when he'd started hearing about a white wolf guiding a woman along... "Valdis," he said, once he was close enough not to need to raise his voice. "I've been looking for you. Either you don't answer your yimo, or..." He exhaled, and rubbed the back of his neck. "I need to talk to you. Please."

Edited 2018-05-03 22:10 (UTC)

Fear. It didn't matter that Hila hadn't reacted, she had heard Amos as he said her name, drawing closer and closer, even though she couldn't sense the presence of a demon, there was still someone coming. She didn't know where Hila had gone, the ka's presence had vanished and without her, Valdis had no idea which direction she needed to flee to. Laughter covered the words of someone else. But there was still no sense of the archdemon.

Valdis held her breath, her sightless eyes closed tightly, nails digging into her palms so hard they began to bleed. She struggled to separate what she was hearing from what she was sensing. The last few words were stronger, drowning out the phantom voice. X. Relief spread through her core, it wasn't Amos. He really wasn't here.

"X," she said, allowing herself to breathe again, "I never thought I'd be glad it is you."

And not the insane demon from her home world.

Well she doesn't need to worry about receiving pity from Kit. Compassion is more his speed, though hopefully his method of delivery won't be too off-putting.

"The Dreaming doesn't pull its punches, does it," he answers her with one of his usual, lopsided grins likely audible in his voice. The nature of her sword has drawn his attention; he still can't completely shake his instinctive aversion to magic, but in the few months he's spent here in Aifaran, he's grown better at mastering that low-grade fear, keeping a firm rein on it. (There are no darkspawn here, no demons lurking beyond the Veil waiting to spill into the world. At least, none that he's seen so far.)

He hesitates a moment, considering the weight of his one-handed war axes sheathed across his back. Then: "You want a sparring partner?" he asks. "I might be a little rusty; it's been a while since I last fought anyone."

Valdis shook her head. She had never really gotten along with the Dreaming, but it wasn't exactly something she could fight. Even without her vision, she could sense that Kit wasn't concerned as she expected he might be, as anyone would be in this situation. She tipped her head, uncertain how she felt about attempting to fight when she had no way of seeing weapons or her surroundings. Even Soul Sight could only be maintained for so long.

"I'm not sure that's wise," she replied, resting her hand on her hilt, "Fighting in this condition..."

[The fact that it takes as much time as it does for Valdis to reach the door only heightens Devin's bemusement - and frankly his concern. He can hear her moving slowly through her apartment, though she doesn't seem to be in any real distress from what his senses can tell him.

Anani gets a few absentminded pets while he waits, and Devin straightens as the door opens.

Her eyes look... different.]

You sent me a rather odd message earlier. Or rather, your cat seems to have sent it, probably by accident. But you weren't answering my calls, either, and now you can't seem to traverse your own apartment in a reasonable amount of time. [He's frowning.] What's happened?

[Anani darts inside the moment Valdis opens the door, but she's not exactly concerned about her cat right now.]

The yimo is on silent and Anani seems to have hidden it somewhere.

[Valdis isn't sure how long she can twist words without flat out lying and she isn't exactly one to back out of promises. Lying to Devin now would only take them backwards. Perhaps it was better to simply dodge the question entirely.]

Have you come to apologize for using the name I gave you?

[Devin does not immediately answer, only raises an eyebrow. She's not meeting his gaze properly, and she's deflecting at best. Regardless of whether the apology was part of his intention in coming here, he's not opposed to offering that as well. He had already intended to, but Valdis appeared to want some space from the incident.]

If I do you the courtesy of answering your question, will you do the same for mine? This may be better to discuss somewhere less public than your doorstep, in any case.

[Valdis frowns and looks away, stepping back into the room to allow him entry. She can't see his face, but she can imagine his expression just from his tone. He's not going to let this go.

The apartment is clean. So clean that it appears as if no one is living in any of the main spaces. No dishes in the sink and nothing on the counters, though some surfaces are slightly dusty.

She waits until she hears him pass before she shuts the door, deciding against locking it since she didn't usually. Once it is shut, she turns and leans against it, crossing her arms and looking down, trying every single defense she can think of to convince him that nothing is wrong.]

Ok, now we are less public.

[More deflection. Devin is not especially surprised at this point, but neither is he deterred. He gives the apartment a cursory investigation once he enters, studying what he can see of the layout. It's not unlike what he thinks his own apartment will look like, as far as furnishing: spartan. New Dreamfolk don't have many possessions to begin with, either.

Normally, he would expect her to settle a blazing glare on him over something like this, not stare at the floor. It's unlike her to leave tools unused when they're so easily at hand. Though, perhaps whatever it is that has her behaving this way has moved those tools out of reach. Apparently, he's going to have to be the adult here.]

Yes, Valdis, I am sorry for using the name in a situation that ultimately disproved my logic. I thought you were fighting yourself - I heard your voice from both you and X, neither of you tried to attack me, and you'd had a doppelganger running around for days prior. X had more than one chance to kill me and didn't. [He sighs, hands on his hips.] I know this was not the intended purpose you gave it to me for, but at the time we didn't know that doppelgangers vanished when they met their counterparts. I still feel I was right to use it, for what I now know were the wrong reasons, and I did not do so lightly. I was fully aware of the potential consequences were I wrong, and that they would be my responsibility.

[More innocent blood on his hands, a sea of it this time to match the blood of the guilty and the damned that stained his shoulders. Aifaran could have been leveled - but it also could have been leveled if he hadn't stopped them.]

I did not relish using it. You know that is not power I want, over you or anyone else.

[It isn't exactly the apology that she is after, mostly because Valdis knows that Devin made the right choice, even if his reasoning had been incorrect. X had some sort of defensive instinct that she doesn't know anything about, though she can infer enough to know that if the fight had continued, Aifaran would have suffered.

She sighs, activating soul sight so she can pinpoint his location and look at him.]

I know.

[He was too good of a person to desire that kind of power, though he'd deny it, so she won't say it out loud.]

I told you to keep the city safe from me, that's what you did.

[If there's some other apology she wants from him, she's going to have to be more explicit. Devin has no remorse about joining the fight, nor getting severely injured during it. Like he'd said, there are things far more important than his safety or his life.]

And I sincerely hope it's never necessary again, for your sake as much as anyone else's.

[His frown has not faded. Eventually, he's going to figure out what's going on with her, even if he has to do so in a roundabout way.]

Do you still trust me?

[It is a precarious question. Trust has so often meant disaster in both of their pasts, though Valdis has evidently grown more at ease with it in Konryu than Devin. He does not ask to rile her, either; he wants to know where they stand, and perhaps better understand her evasion.]

[His insistence at being him was quite infuriating. Valdis found herself tempted to take a page out of his book and try to alienate him, but that would get her nowhere. She sighs again, letting her vision fade from the soul plane before a headache sets in. Valdis touches her forehead with one hand, closing her eyes, trying to find some reason to say no, but it isn't him she doesn't trust]

Yes, I still trust you.

[Yet she has no idea why she isn't able to just tell him, or anyone. Being unable to see isn't a death sentence here, and here she has allies to help her.]

... Oh. Okay. That was a much, much better reaction than the one X had been dreading.

"Well," he said, and faltered. "I'm glad, that you're glad. If you could keep on being glad, please, that would be marvellous."

She wouldn't, of course. Devin didn't; no one ever did. But X lived in hope.

"I need to talk to you," he repeated, "about what happened in the park last month. There's more to it than what you saw, and it concerns you." He hesitated, then frowned. "No, wait a minute, first -- why are you glad it's me? Are you alright?"

Apparently her reaction wasn't what X expected, not that she could blame him, after all, she had been avoiding him to the best of her ability. She looked in the direction of his voice, wiping the blood on her hand off onto her pants, leaving the skin unmarked.

"You certainly know how to open a conversation," she said dryly, "I'm guessing speeches aren't your strong suit."

Valdis let her ability to see souls rise so she could get a fix on his exact location. Meeting his eyes would be impossible since she couldn't see those details, so his face would have to be enough.

"And it's nothing, I just thought you were someone else for moment."

X laughed nervously. "No," he agreed, "speeches aren't really... no. I usually leave that to other people."

Something was wrong. Speeches may not have been X's strong suit, but noticing when things were out of place was, and something was out of place with Valdis. She wouldn't look him in the eye, and her eyes themselves seemed... lighter, somehow, though it was difficult to tell in the dark. She didn't answer whether she was alright or not. She'd wiped something off her hand onto her pants, which, when combined with the verbal dodge, was a pretty clear sign she wanted to hide something. Hide what, though, X had no idea.

Was it any of his business?

"Okay," he said, confusion evident in his voice even as he decided to focus on the more important thing for the moment. "Right. I'm... you know I'm a reader. What you don't know is what that means. I forgot everything I read back then, but I won't -- I won't forget it forever."

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Page 1 of 5

If the World Goes Blind and I Lose my Mind

Devin | May 5th | Valdis’ Apartment | CW: None

Open | Die Rosa Tulpe | CW: None

Open | A plain outside the city | CW: None

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X | The Beach at Night | CW: Vague Mentions of Hallucinations

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