Of course. The one thing he wanted most to do, the thing he has wired himself to do, he must not. In order to help X, Devin will have to sacrifice a tactic that he feels has kept him sane. Revisiting his life was inevitably going to tear open old wounds.

A quiet and cold thought pointed out that any suffering he might relive was likely to be of his own making. It was both a traitorous agreement with Valdis and a caustic remnant of his past.

"I'm not exactly the poster child for walks down memory lane," Devin muttered. "The only reason I've talked about my past as much as I have here is because this damn place hasn't given me a choice." The level of trust he'd built with Valdis was the result of that, but it had been a painful start. He finished the rest of the liquor and scowled into the empty glass. "And I can't even afford enough alcohol to get buzzed much less properly drunk."

Notably, none of this was an actual refusal.