How does one learn to compartmentalize the torture that one endures? The Fool has managed it, though not through any conscious initiative on his part. He sits in uninterrupted silence beside Devin as the circumstances of the last few months are laid out to him, making clear some things that had been mired in a fog of confusion.
(X's strange exchange with him via the network, and their conversation afterwards, now makes more sense--and he suspects that he can now answer at least some of the questions that he had left unasked.)
"...I recognized his screams as my own-- it feels like being held hostage by my own life. That was why I started avoiding everything and everyone."
"And why would you not?" The Fool gives his head a modest shake and looks away from Devin towards the graying horizon. He absently slips his other foot free of its shoe, then dips it into the water as well; a deceptively casual and relaxed demeanor given the subject they're discussing, though his expression is grave, his earlier mild frivolity gone. To think of what he must have endured, that sharing it would drive X to make such a post to the network--
He takes a slow breath, then lets it out again, his eyes closing. "You saw only the briefest of glimpses of my own trauma, and I all but fled the Dreaming Bridge for two days. I suspect what rapport I'm ever to have with Valdis shall always be fraught because of that."
After a moment, he tilts his head some to peer at Devin, pensive. "It takes courage to do what you have done," he reminds him quietly. A beat, and he adds, "And compassion, to relive your suffering and still be moved to look after another person who is suffering, too. Most people would not do such a thing."
He hesitates a moment, then reaches out to touch the tips of his fingers against Devin's shoulder; it is a delicate touch, more to the cloth of his shirt more than anything else. The Fool presses his lips into a thin line, before saying softly, "I wish I knew what to say to ease this pain in you, but I do not."
no subject
(X's strange exchange with him via the network, and their conversation afterwards, now makes more sense--and he suspects that he can now answer at least some of the questions that he had left unasked.)
"...I recognized his screams as my own-- it feels like being held hostage by my own life. That was why I started avoiding everything and everyone."
"And why would you not?" The Fool gives his head a modest shake and looks away from Devin towards the graying horizon. He absently slips his other foot free of its shoe, then dips it into the water as well; a deceptively casual and relaxed demeanor given the subject they're discussing, though his expression is grave, his earlier mild frivolity gone. To think of what he must have endured, that sharing it would drive X to make such a post to the network--
He takes a slow breath, then lets it out again, his eyes closing. "You saw only the briefest of glimpses of my own trauma, and I all but fled the Dreaming Bridge for two days. I suspect what rapport I'm ever to have with Valdis shall always be fraught because of that."
After a moment, he tilts his head some to peer at Devin, pensive. "It takes courage to do what you have done," he reminds him quietly. A beat, and he adds, "And compassion, to relive your suffering and still be moved to look after another person who is suffering, too. Most people would not do such a thing."
He hesitates a moment, then reaches out to touch the tips of his fingers against Devin's shoulder; it is a delicate touch, more to the cloth of his shirt more than anything else. The Fool presses his lips into a thin line, before saying softly, "I wish I knew what to say to ease this pain in you, but I do not."