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ioduanlogs2019-06-09 06:12 pm
annihilist) wrote in ioduanlogs2019-06-09 06:12 pm
You’ve got that power over me
Characters: Devin Parker and the Fool
Date: Early June
Location: Devin and the Fool's apartment
Situation: It's been a rough month for Devin, and the Fool comes back from the Dreaming walkabout
Warnings/Rating: Mentions of a lot of alcohol; depressed vampire coping badly; more added as needed
It has been over a month since Devin found himself abruptly alone in bed, the Fool vanishing from right beside him one sleepy morning. They had only just moved into this apartment where they'd both have more space and where together they were building a future together. These walls are the most tangible expression of their relationship they have, of Devin's slowly growing willingness to not guard his heart so closely. These walls should bear witness to their shared happiness.
Now, the apartment just feels hostile and empty. Devin hasn't unpacked anything else since the Fool disappeared and a pile of boxes sits in one corner gathering dust. There are too many painful reminders for him to deal with in those boxes when the apartment itself is already overwhelming - but he's stayed. They knew this would happen. They knew this was inevitable. Devin knew and yet he clearly did not know well enough. Bobby's betrayal had ravaged his ability to trust in his own feelings; this is something entirely different and at once more and less painful. His lover yet lives, but he's gone and Devin feels his absence like a knife to the heart, over and over and over again. As much as it pains him to stay, he cannot help but think it would be worse if he left so soon. The Fool had plans for decorating and had yet to set up his studio and there is so much space. The unadorned and the empty are less cutting reminders of his loss than if they'd fully settled in.
Holly and Luthien vie for control of his lap when he settles heavily on the couch for sleep each night, and that's something. They take the edge off more than alcohol does, sometimes, and that's helpful. He still has a job he's supposed to go to and he cannot be getting wasted if he's to care properly for the libraries. After an absence, Devin got his schedule changed so he works nights almost exclusively, allowing him to avoid most people and the prying, caring eyes they bring. Spending time among the shelves is more steadying than he thought it would be; these books are like old friends, and they do not ask anything of him but to be handled respectfully and returned to their place.
Even so, he's drinking a lot more than he should. Not enough to become belligerent, but with his stupidly high tolerance he's going through most of a case of hard liquor in a week. If nothing else, it's an expensive way to grieve, and in truth it doesn't help all that much. Devin sleeps restlessly and eats more sporadically than is healthy-- but he's trying. If he lets the hollow ache of loss take over, he'll likely never come back out of it. Whatever the future brings, Devin knows for a certainty that he'll never be the same. He has not the strength to pretend he is anything less than shattered.
Date: Early June
Location: Devin and the Fool's apartment
Situation: It's been a rough month for Devin, and the Fool comes back from the Dreaming walkabout
Warnings/Rating: Mentions of a lot of alcohol; depressed vampire coping badly; more added as needed
It has been over a month since Devin found himself abruptly alone in bed, the Fool vanishing from right beside him one sleepy morning. They had only just moved into this apartment where they'd both have more space and where together they were building a future together. These walls are the most tangible expression of their relationship they have, of Devin's slowly growing willingness to not guard his heart so closely. These walls should bear witness to their shared happiness.
Now, the apartment just feels hostile and empty. Devin hasn't unpacked anything else since the Fool disappeared and a pile of boxes sits in one corner gathering dust. There are too many painful reminders for him to deal with in those boxes when the apartment itself is already overwhelming - but he's stayed. They knew this would happen. They knew this was inevitable. Devin knew and yet he clearly did not know well enough. Bobby's betrayal had ravaged his ability to trust in his own feelings; this is something entirely different and at once more and less painful. His lover yet lives, but he's gone and Devin feels his absence like a knife to the heart, over and over and over again. As much as it pains him to stay, he cannot help but think it would be worse if he left so soon. The Fool had plans for decorating and had yet to set up his studio and there is so much space. The unadorned and the empty are less cutting reminders of his loss than if they'd fully settled in.
Holly and Luthien vie for control of his lap when he settles heavily on the couch for sleep each night, and that's something. They take the edge off more than alcohol does, sometimes, and that's helpful. He still has a job he's supposed to go to and he cannot be getting wasted if he's to care properly for the libraries. After an absence, Devin got his schedule changed so he works nights almost exclusively, allowing him to avoid most people and the prying, caring eyes they bring. Spending time among the shelves is more steadying than he thought it would be; these books are like old friends, and they do not ask anything of him but to be handled respectfully and returned to their place.
Even so, he's drinking a lot more than he should. Not enough to become belligerent, but with his stupidly high tolerance he's going through most of a case of hard liquor in a week. If nothing else, it's an expensive way to grieve, and in truth it doesn't help all that much. Devin sleeps restlessly and eats more sporadically than is healthy-- but he's trying. If he lets the hollow ache of loss take over, he'll likely never come back out of it. Whatever the future brings, Devin knows for a certainty that he'll never be the same. He has not the strength to pretend he is anything less than shattered.