Not just nightmares but the absence of another made Devin's sleep fitful. The warm weight of two fuzzy creatures on his chest and legs or tucked against his side was too comforting to relocate them, and sleep came easier when he was already laying down and being purred at into dozing. Whether they knew what they were doing is hard to say and he appreciates it all the same.
Devin presses a kiss into the Fool's hair, closes his eyes for a moment. "Not that anyone is aware of," he agrees, sighing. He sounds a little resigned to being tossed hither and thither by the Dreaming, but not at all regretful. "Strangely enough, knowing that from the start actually made me less resistant to the idea of a relationship," Devin admits.
This is not a statement he can make without further explanation, and after a pause to straighten the words in his own head Devin continues. "I bury things so I don't have to deal with them; you know that. I never really learned how to do anything else but run from problems, from losing people. Always wondering if lingering too long would bring catastrophe down on someone's head. But even when someone I cared about died at the end of a long and fruitful life, it hurt just as much and I still didn't know what to do with that." He has not yet learned how to process his grief, though Aifaran has resulted in some growth. A thoughtful frown pinches his brow. "Back in my world I spend almost all of my time finding ways to hold off the inevitable, instead of just-- being present." Devin looks down to meet his lover's eyes, covers the hand over his heart. "With you, knowing we'd be separated eventually, no matter what we did-- I thought 'why the hell not'. I don't know why that made such a difference, but it did. Even if I wasn't-- remotely prepared. I wouldn't change my decision."
Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Devin has never had something so precious before, someone he cared for so deeply. More deeply than he thought he was even capable of any longer. That seems worth the pain, for once.
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Devin presses a kiss into the Fool's hair, closes his eyes for a moment. "Not that anyone is aware of," he agrees, sighing. He sounds a little resigned to being tossed hither and thither by the Dreaming, but not at all regretful. "Strangely enough, knowing that from the start actually made me less resistant to the idea of a relationship," Devin admits.
This is not a statement he can make without further explanation, and after a pause to straighten the words in his own head Devin continues. "I bury things so I don't have to deal with them; you know that. I never really learned how to do anything else but run from problems, from losing people. Always wondering if lingering too long would bring catastrophe down on someone's head. But even when someone I cared about died at the end of a long and fruitful life, it hurt just as much and I still didn't know what to do with that." He has not yet learned how to process his grief, though Aifaran has resulted in some growth. A thoughtful frown pinches his brow. "Back in my world I spend almost all of my time finding ways to hold off the inevitable, instead of just-- being present." Devin looks down to meet his lover's eyes, covers the hand over his heart. "With you, knowing we'd be separated eventually, no matter what we did-- I thought 'why the hell not'. I don't know why that made such a difference, but it did. Even if I wasn't-- remotely prepared. I wouldn't change my decision."
Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Devin has never had something so precious before, someone he cared for so deeply. More deeply than he thought he was even capable of any longer. That seems worth the pain, for once.