[May Catch-All] A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down~

[psituational]

Characters: Devin, Valdis, Kit, Zephyr, the Fool
Date: Backdated to mid-April-ish for Devin, throughout May for the rest.
Location: All over Aifaran.
Situation: Ranging from 'hi you should probably know that I'm never going to go to sleep again and here's why', to 'we need a therapy group stat.' Also some identity theft and finely-tailored coats thrown in.
Warnings/Rating: None for now, but at least one thread is going to get personal, so warnings in comment headers as they become applicable!


A: Devin | mid-April-ish, a few days after the park destruction | Oh, By The Way

Valdis has gone missing, and X is pretty sure there's nothing he can do to find her until she wants to be found. It's not ideal, and it makes him antsy, so he's focusing on the one thing he can do something about -- Devin.

For the past few days, whenever X isn't at the park helping to repair some of the damage, he's with Devin in the library, talking. He talks even and especially when Devin doesn't talk back. The bookcases are high, but Devin is better at staying within his own physical limits than X was fearing, and as a result X never has to leap up and help out. He does wince, though, once or twice, when Devin reaches a little far.

Once it's pretty clear Devin is completely healed (and that ability, both in humans and in people like Devin, will never stop being weird), X knows he can't put off the truth any longer. "Listen," he says after one short and companionable silence. "There's... something I need you to know."


B: Valdis and Kit | early May, after talking to Valdis on the beach | Therapy Group, Stat

Valdis has moved out of the Dreaming Bridge now. That's something X intends to do himself, eventually, but not yet -- nowhere near, if he's being honest with himself. He doesn't spend much time there to begin with, and since it looks like sleeping is not an activity he'll get to engage in again any time soon, there's really no point until he's saved up a bit more money.

But he still considers Valdis a roommate. And you don't need to be a reader to know when two different people could benefit from having someone to trust. So X sends both his roommates a message -- text for Kit, audio for Valdis -- in the hopes that Valdis won't keep ignoring him.

Meet me outside the Bridge. There's something I'd like all three of us to do. Don't worry, it's nothing bad.


C: Zephyr | mid May | Crime 1, Identity Thief

Well, X thinks as he stands and blinks at the poster on the outside of the Sentry building. At least this time it took three months for them to decide I'm a threat.

He feels more at home right now than he ever has. That's... something he undoubtedly needs to work through. Still, X can't pinpoint what might have caused this. The one thing he's done that he knew would make the authorities angry, he's already been punished for. Is it because of the park last month? Has someone worked out what he is and decided he can't be allowed to roam free anymore?

The longer X stands there pondering those questions, the more obvious it becomes to any onlookers that the angry, aggressive face depicted in the poster looks about as similar to X as a dragon does to a lizard.


D: The Fool | mid May | Commerce 3, But It's Bespoke!

X's weekly chats with the Fool aren't the only reason he suspects the Fool might be the one who's sent him this... frankly, beautiful coat. It fits X perfectly, which implies an attention to detail, and he can't help recalling the day he tried to climb through the cafeteria window and shattered the glass. He'd been wearing a coat then, nabbed for practicality, cheap and thick and entirely ineffectual against the rain. It would be just like the Fool to order a custom tailored coat right after that.

The problem is that, if he did, he doesn't seem to have paid for it.

So, with the tailor standing right there and very impatient, X tries to get the Fool on the yimo. "He's not very good with technology," X explains to the tailor. "It might take a minute."

"I'm telling you," says the tailor, exasperated, "no one called the Fool ordered this! You did!"

Comments

[psituational]

X smiles wryly. "Well," he says, "it's not the sort of thing I like telling people with broken ribs, anyway."

Then he stops, and stays quiet for several seconds, because explaining this never ever gets easier. It makes him homesick for the readers all over again, for a large community of family members who never needed words or explanations to understand one another. But even this, right here, is different all over again; at least back home, X never needed to explain to anyone what a reader was. He isn't sure whether seeing that look of disgust a little later than usual is going to be better or not.

"I'm a reader," he says eventually, staring at the books on the shelf ahead of him. "It's a bit delayed. I didn't remember anything about Valdis, or you, right after it happened. Once I go to sleep, I... will."

[annihilist]

Devin isn't certain what having broken ribs has to do with anyone's ability to receive information; he was just as lucid four days ago as today. Perhaps even more so, although he can allow for the fact that pain has always had a way of sharpening his senses, rather than dulling them, and that isn't the case for everyone.

His expression clouds with both bemusement and dislike for the direction X seems to be taking. "I wasn't aware I was subject to your abilities at the time," Devin begins slowly, processing his reaction to that in context of X's clear hesitation. "You don't seem especially sleep-deprived, if you haven't been sleeping since the incident in the park," he continues. A pause. "How much will you remember?"

[psituational]

Oh dear, that last question. X swallows, takes a breath, then turns to look at Devin instead of the books; this conversation deserves at least the courtesy of eye contact.

"Everyone is," he starts. "Subject, I mean. Everyone near me at the time. I can borrow whatever helps me survive, and the last thing I remember is being attacked by a large wolf." X still isn't fully clear on what happened, except for shapeshifting being involved, and when all is said and done he'd prefer to keep it that way.

"And... everything. I'll remember everything. Where I come from, we have a word for it -- we call it a person's universe. Your mind, your body, your soul, your memories, your past, your place in the world, your relationships, the changes you make simply for existing. Everything."

[annihilist]

Everything.

Devin freezes.

What X is describing is among the most horrifyingly invasive situations that Devin has either heard of or been subject to. There is only one other being that can and has read him down to his very atoms, that knows him inside and out, and every moment of his life. The Spirit is, however, a god, a force upon which his universe turns, not a mortal man. Devin knows implicitly that his secrets will be kept, because they have to be, and he gave the Spirit that right long before he had a body to remember it with. There is a bond of immeasurable trust between them that Devin cannot forsake even if he wanted to, and no such bond exists between him and X.

Accident or not, X knowing him that intimately is a violation that makes his blood run cold and extinguishes any flame of anger that might otherwise have arisen. What remains is the naked instinct to run, which will do him no good. It's over already - once X sleeps, that's it. His secrets will be lost to him, as will his shields. Nothing will be only his any longer, and the fleeting illusion of safety that Aifaran has offered will evaporate.

Once X sleeps. Has he not, yet? It's been days.

"You have no right to that," is his feeble protest, barely audible in the quiet hush of the library.

[psituational]

At this point, X could probably count down the seconds from finishing his explanations until someone says exactly what Devin just said, nearly word for word. Silvanes said it too. And Liz. And Szandor. The only person who never said it, X had never been able to read anyway.

"I know," he says, equally as quiet. "If I could change anything about it, I would." He takes a moment, then: "but I don't need to sleep. Readers, as a whole -- we don't. If you don't want me to, and Valdis doesn't want me to..." X shrugs. "I won't. It's as simple as that."

The choice he always leaves, as much as it can be, to those he'd be so violently trespassing. There's only one time he didn't, and that... that was due to someone else's interference. It wouldn't happen here, not in Aifaran. He wouldn't let it.

[annihilist]

There is less relief at that assertion than Devin would have expected or wanted. He barely knows X, and while he's been nothing but honest and amiable in their interactions, Devin still cannot find it in himself to trust the reader. One viciously traumatic incident of a friendly face masking a monster and tearing apart his life was more than enough.

And the Dreaming, Devin knows, has no qualms about exposing his deepest wounds. It's done so before, more than once.

"Don't." The vampire turns back to the books to renew his work, taking the barest of comfort in what are now familiar shelves and volumes. He's privately grateful for the training that keeps his hands from shaking. "As long as you're able. This world may not grant any of us that grace forever."

[psituational]

Devin looks very level. He sounds very level, when he turns away. X knows not to believe that, not least because anyone being so cavalier about their own universe is an idea so foreign as to be terrifying.

"As long as I'm able?" The conversation takes a surprising turn into unfamiliar territory, and X isn't sure what to think. "What do you mean? What can the world do?"

[annihilist]

The laugh that escapes Devin's mouth is mirthless and bitter, a hollow-sounding thing. X hasn't been here very long, or he wouldn't need to ask that question.

"Whatever it wants," he mutters, barely keeping control over his voice. Books-- focus on the books, not what X may see of him. "The Dreaming has no qualms, what with not being a living thing with a sense of morals. It has a habit of... bringing to light what should remain in shadow. Secrets have no meaning, no matter your intentions."

[psituational]

X has no idea how to even begin processing what Devin tells him. The last little piece of control he has over his own magic, just... taken away from him? He can't imagine that. He can't imagine what that will do, to him or to Devin.

Devin still won't look at him. That might well be a taste of the future.

"Then as long as the world lets me," says X, "I won't sleep."

He hesitates, wondering if the follow-up might help as well. What he says to his friends, when they've agreed to be read and everyone knows it's going to happen eventually, the reminder that they won't be alone. Somehow, he doesn't think Devin will appreciate it, and X still believes it may not even be necessary; but at this point it can't hurt to try.

"When I say 'everything'," he goes on, slow and hesitant, "that means... not just memories, not just events. I can't judge you any more than I can judge myself. I can't add to the pressure you put on yourself, not when I feel it as intensely as you."

[annihilist]

Control has defined so much of Devin's life, has been instrumental to his survival, and this place has too often stolen control from him. Whether by inches or miles, the loss of agency has left it's mark on many people here. Splendid and terrible, indeed.

Despite his horror at what X will learn, Devin listens. Some part of him is desperate to not have to hide; he is built to be with people, no matter how much he denies it.

But X does not deserve to bear his burdens. If-- when, Devin reminds himself forcefully, swallowing the lump in his throat-- X sleeps, an ocean of violence will crash down on him. He can't comprehend having to carry Valdis' life on top of his. The fabric of his life is woven with lies and bloodshed and isolation, and that is not a cloak that X should have upon his shoulders.

Too late.

"Judgement is not the real problem," Devin replies quietly, shaking his head. He closes his eyes for a moment, breathing deeply. It doesn't help much. "I am a secret that shouldn't exist," he elaborates distantly. X will learn eventually how much hinges upon the fact that Devin does exist, to his dread. "My life does not belong to me, and so no matter what you absorb, it will not and cannot belong to you, either." He can't help the faint tremble in his voice now, whether it be from anger or fear. What and who he is came at the cost of surrendering his soul; he's learned that was his choice. How that will affect X, Devin cannot begin to guess. "That knowledge or understanding, or whatever you call it and whatever it entails, is extraordinarily dangerous."

He raises his eyes, and something ancient and endless can be seen there for just a moment - or perhaps the agelessness is just a trick of the light. "This world is no refuge from my fate; I carry it with me wherever I go."