And I would give all this and heaven too

[redlightgreenlight]

Characters: Valdis and specific starters with some open
Date: April
Location: Around Aifaran
Situation: Various
Warnings/Rating: in headers


And the heart is hard to translate
It has a language of its own
It talks in tongues and quiet sighs
And prayers and proclamations
In the grand deeds of great men and the smallest of gestures
And short shallow gasps

But with all my education I can't seem to command it
And the words are all escaping, and coming back all damaged
And I would put them back in poetry if I only knew how
I can't seem to understand it

And I would give all this and heaven too
I would give it all if only for a moment
That I could just understand the meaning of the word you see
'Cause I've been scrawling it forever but it never makes sense to me at all

Comments

[upshore]

Miles looked sheepish. "Yeah, I'm...I'm sorry about that. I really didn't know, I think the guy was playing a joke on me. You're not offended, right? Shit - is that why I haven't seen you around?"

No shit, Miles.

[redlightgreenlight]

"No, I..."

It really shouldn't be this hard, but he was truly worried about it, which was...cute, she guessed.

"I'm just confused. You were so embarrassed, but...you also, weren't."

[upshore]

"I really was, it was a mistake, I'm sorry," he said, feeling himself go pink. Empath or not, she was wrong - he'd been embarrassed, and still was. "It's fine if you got rid of it, it's really embarrassing..."

And now this is embarrassing. It's compound embarrassment! The embarrassment is going to get denser than a neutron star if somebody doesn't do something.

[redlightgreenlight]

Her fair features twisted in an amused frown, "Are you just too much of an idiot to know anything?"

Emotion couldn't be faked, even if expression could be. His embarrassment then, and now, was so confusing, so clear, and yet so convoluted that he couldn't recognize his own feelings. Unless her empathy was being messed with. Maybe this was all a mistake. After all, she barely understood this kind of feeling the last time.

"Never mind," she backtracked, looking away, "I'll see you later."

Valdis turned to go, suddenly wanting to get as far away as she could.

[upshore]

"I mean, yes, I'm an Ivy alum and I'm still as dumb as a box of rocks, how do people not know this?" he said, smiling. But then she turned to go - wait, what? Shit! What had he done now? Or not done? Christ, she was confusing! 'Women' as a monolith weren't confusing, because 'women' as a monolith were people, and people were pretty easy to figure out once you got right down to it. But Valdis was a riddle wrapped inside a mystery wrapped inside an enigma wrapped inside a pretty lady who was also a demon puppy sometimes, and aside from being people she had life experiences that people usually didn't, and that he couldn't account for.

That, and she had an evil black hole of souls inside her, which would probably tweak someone's personality a bit.

"Hold on, you don't get to knock on my door, ask me a weird, leading question, then leave," he said, and took a calculated risk - he reached to put a hand on her arm.

[redlightgreenlight]

Valdis didn't even hear his explanation about being an idiot, but she did feel his hand when it touched her arm. A shock rippled down her spine, her muscles stiffened, but she didn't make any attempt to remove his hand, as she might with someone else. His confusion seemed so out of place. She closed her eyes, releasing the breath she held while she tried to decide her next move.

She breathed in again, finding her voice before turning and looking into his eyes, her head slightly tipped, emerald eyes hard.

"I'm going to ask you one more question," she said, hands at her sides, "If the answer is different from what I think it is, then I won't bring it up again."

[upshore]

"This seems like a trap, but okay," he said, removing his hand, utterly bewildered. At least her eyes were still green-means-go and not red-means-oh-my-god-fucking-run, so that was...not terrible?

"Though it's not exactly fair to play poker with me when you're the dealer, too. I'm gonna need a little more information than these cryptic little things you're throwing at me."

[redlightgreenlight]

"I don't play fair, Miles," Valdis replied, "It's far more interesting to see how much you can get away with."

She was a creature of chaos, what did she care about wisdom or logic? Besides, he was too much of an idiot to figure things out by himself. Valdis stepped into his space, not moving slowly for fear of backing out, her arms slipped around his neck, and she rose to press her lips to his.

BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

[upshore]

"Well, yeah, I guess I respect that, but--"

'But what' was going to have to wait, if it ever came, because boy, did she ever know how to shut him up.

The first thing that happened was confusion, then alarm, then confusion again, which ended up warring with slowly-dawning realization.

Oh. OH. Well didn't he feel like a prize idiot. More so than usual, anyway. She's a cop, dummy.

She's not that kind of cop.

You know how the saying goes. ALL cops.

Yeah...well, she's already in some kind of rebellion so she's cool with me. Shoo. He mentally waved away the doubt and pulled back a little, resting his forehead against hers.

"I've never heard a question quite like that one before," he teased a little, his voice quiet, an odd feeling that it took him a second to recognize as contentment spreading through him, the emotional wall he'd been unconsciously building finally broken down.

;)

[redlightgreenlight]

It felt right, somehow, how his emotions shifted and changed, as realization dawned on him concerning what she already felt she knew. What it turned out she did know. Alarm briefly passed through her when he pulled back, even though nothing gave her reason to worry. But he didn't go far, simply resting his forehead against hers, content and relaxed.

She laughed lightly, "It's admittedly a unique question." A wonderful, but also dangerous one.

Her own experience aside, she'd seen it so many times. With Raine, with Pepper, she didn't know if she was as strong as them. But she certainly hoped she was, for more than one reason.

shit, this bitch smooth

[upshore]

It had been...a while since he'd been kissed. Granted, he'd been a bit busy, thinking about other things, and after what had happened to him anything to do with anyone's unmentionables had been so very far off the table it was in the dumpster.

All that aside, she did look pretty good naked. (Yeah, he hadn't forgotten. Nine months later, and here they are.)

"Didn't think you'd ever be the one to ask it," he said. "Your attitude towards me's lately's been one of...I'm trying to think of a better word than loathing." Theirs has been a complicated relationship, even before approximately ten seconds ago. "And anyway," he said with a chuckle, "as a journalist, aren't I supposed to be the one asking the questions?" He leaned in to kiss her.

[redlightgreenlight]

"I was afraid," she replied softly, looking down, but not moving away, "Of myself and what I am, but I decided that I don't care."

She did lean back ever so slightly when he leaned for another kiss, placing her finger on his lips, a teasing brightness to her eyes.

"I'm an interrogator," she reminded him, "I ask questions too, though I generally keep the answers confidential."

She stepped into his space, lightly pushing him back through the doorway so they weren't standing half in the hall.

[upshore]

Miles laughed just a little when she pushed him. "I think we've lost the plot here," he said. "Unless you want to keep this 'answer' a secret."

Then the smile faded from his face, just a little, as he took in what she had said. "I think we've both learned that there's a point where fear of the thing is worse than the thing itself."

[redlightgreenlight]

"Very few here know what they should fear," she replied softly, running her fingers through his hair, "It makes things easier."

Even if she considered them foolish, there were those who could match her soulless strength.

"Immortality is cold," Valdis said, touching her lips to his again, "It is lonely. It is cruel." She leaned in to him, "Konryu gave me more than just a second chance at life. Lys av min sjel."

don't tell him what it means, he'll get a swelled head

[upshore]

Immortality. The word was like an ice cube being dropped down his spine, as it always was. It always made him remember that unless he was wrong, being what he was now meant that he would outlive not only his family but all of his friends and everything he ever knew.

She was right. Immortality was cold, lonely, and cruel.

To try and lighten the mood that he knew he'd just brought down, he stroked down her back and mumbled "You know I still don't speak Swedish, right?"

Yes, he knew it was Norse; yes, he was being a shit for the laughs. Mostly because there were things he didn't want to think about right now, and as a creature of immediacy, 'immortality' was top of the list.

It's GoT inspired...I'm such a nerd

[redlightgreenlight]

She pulled back at the taste of ice against her senses, a fear of something so sharp that the mere mention brought a wall between wish and reality. He recovered quickly, running his hand down her back, trying to live in the moment instead of in fear. One thing she admired about humans. They adapted so quickly, carrying hope that no other race could.

"I still don't care," she breathed, moving in for another kiss, turning and pulling him with her, deeper into his room. "It just means I can whisper anything I like in your ear and you won't know if it is affection or insult."

[upshore]

"I tend to assume insult and hope for affection," he said wryly. "I'm rarely wrong, but frequently surprised."

Miles laughed a little. "So this is why you've been avoiding me?"

[redlightgreenlight]

"I've only had these emotions once before, Miles," she replied, stepping back and turning away from him, "In all my lives, only once, and it didn't end well. So I hid from the emotions, I tried to kill them, but...I wanted them, and that was terrifying."

She wrapped her arms around herself, "It still is."

[upshore]

Miles' immediate impulse was some kind of sarcastic joke - cool, so should I feel special? - but even he was smart enough to know better than to say that. Instead, he reached out and laid a gentle hand on her arm, the same way he'd done a few minutes before.

"I've learned that you can do two things with fear," he said. "You can let it paralyze you, or let it galvanize you, if you'll let me rhyme. I mean, you've lived a lot longer than me, but I somehow don't think you've spent a lot of it afraid. Not afraid afraid, 'cause I don't think killer-Valkyrie-warrior-princesses have a lot of reason to fear for their lives. But it kind of...I dunno. Boils you down? If you've ever wondered just how much you can survive, fear is the bitch that actually tests you, and either you break or you don't. You can come out the other side held together with spit and duct tape, but you're still held together. And you know what can break you, and what can't.

"So if it didn't end well before - whatever happened, there's scar tissue there now. Proof there was a wound there, and still scary to think about another one, but it's stronger than you think. And I think that you wouldn't be here if you thought that this ending badly could break you - or if it wasn't worth it."

[redlightgreenlight]

The wisdom coming from him seemed out of place, though Miles did seem like a man who was happy to play the fool, even if he didn't need to. She put her hand on top of his, releasing a low laugh.

"Killer-Valkyrie-warrior-princess," she repeated, "I like the sound of that..."

Valdis turned back, taking his hand in hers, lifting the other to run her fingers through his hair again.

"Though I prefer Queen," she teased.

[upshore]

"Killer-Valkyrie-warrior-queen it is, then," he said, and squeezed her hand. "Doesn't quite roll off the tongue, but I'll come up with something better. You've kind of caught me off my game here." He grinned.

[redlightgreenlight]

"Good."

It was about time things came together, though she fully admitted she'd been part of the problem. The lack of guilt meant she'd moved on, right?

"I can't wait to hear what you come up with."

[upshore]

"You might have to wait a little," Miles said. "Like I said, you've really thrown me off here. But that's not necessarily bad. I shouldn't get complacent. It's bad for me."

He kissed her on the cheek. "Although I'm sure you like having me all bewitched, bothered, and bewildered."

[redlightgreenlight]

Somehow, she appreciated those reactions in him more than most people.

“I appreciate your alliteration,” she commented, “And i’m sure it won’t be the last time I do such a thing, I’ve never been called boring.”

She smiled, continuing to play with his hair.

“What are you going to do now that you’re dating a cop?”

[upshore]

"I don't know, probably start wearing collared shirts and sleeping regular hours, eating vegetables...you know, behaving like a reputable member of society," he said, closing his eyes and smiling. He liked having her play with his hair. Actually, it was just nice to be touched, like he meant something to someone. Keeping himself closed off and wary of people was good for keeping him safe, but bad for the need for closeness that he often felt.