ioduanlogs | [EVENT] Moon and Mirrors (Welcome Mingle Log)

He'd almost prefer she pry more forcefully, if only because it's what he's used to. It was tempting to take on her role, to argue that she hadn't cared if he was ready for much of what she'd confronted him with.

"Avoiding me isn't going to change either of our situations," Devin pointed out. "And strictly speaking, this place is a lot more peaceful than what I left." He looked back at the crowd, smiling coldly. "But fine, if I'm such a distasteful reminder of what an awful thing it is to be here, carry on ignoring me."

It might be more peaceful on the outside, but she hadn't been talking about this place from that point of view. No one here knew her. No one knew her secrets, her flaws. She had to start over, with all her memories intact. The change was daunting, she had never felt so lost, except perhaps when she had first regained her soul.

"You aren't distasteful, Devin," Valdis replied slowly, "Though your current attitude leaves something to be desired."

Ironically, if they'd just speak openly instead of sniping, then they could both be of some help to the other.

"I could say the same of you." Which he basically was. Devin sighed and leaned heavily against the building, folding his arms. He wanted to yell at her, mostly just to yell, but the idea of it just made him weary. Still, he wasn't going to explain himself yet. What had been happening at home was too raw, and even now he felt like his mind and his heart were open wounds. "Look, we're both here when we don't want to be. If you're not 'ready' to talk to me, carry about your business, but don't pretend like I'm not here." Please, he refused to say.

"I believe you just did."

She could feel his tension, more annoying than it would have been if it wasn't so close to her own. But was it tension borne out of anger, or from something else? Hers came from all the insecurities she wasn't used to feeling, if anyone could understand even a few of them, it would be the man currently leaning against the wall. But admitting them, even to him, would be a weakness.

"Hi, Devin," She quipped, "It's so nice to see you. How've you been? Kill any other vampires lately?"

The words left her mouth before she really evaluated them, and she instantly regretted saying anything at all.

Anger coiled in the pit of Devin's stomach, shocked that she would dare to stoop that low. For one long and irrational moment, he considered breaking Valdis' jaw.

But he just stared. She knew how much that would hurt him, and whether she had said it impulsively or not didn't matter. She had said it. It was worse now, really, after spending 5 months with the hunters. After one of them persistently reminded him that he was a person, not a weapon; that he was more than what he had done, no matter how much he didn't want others to see that.

The anger didn't last, replaced by a profound sense of sadness. He wanted to forget Sam, and he hated that he wanted to forget.

"Go to hell," he managed, his voice trembling, and Devin turned down the alley.

If Devin had decided to lash out, Valdis wouldn’t have defended herself, she deserved the burst of anger that rose in him, however brief it had been. In fact, she would have preferred that to the emotions that followed, her own self-loathing as his sorrow struck her senses. Offering an apology now felt empty, and her pride fought against that response.

See? The voices in her head hissed, You destroy everything in the end. It’s in your nature.

“I don’t need your commentary right now,” she hissed back, but there wasn’t any bite or certainty in her tone.

Let go of the past, little angel. The serpent continued, sounding more amused than she liked, It’s a new world, your old rules no longer apply.

Devin was getting further away, and she still stood there, only half present, wondering if she would actually break this time.

“If anyone could send me there, it would be you.” The words were soft, and she wasn’t even sure he would hear them.

For better or worse, Devin's hearing was exceptional, and he came to a stop with his hands on his hips and his head hung. Somewhere, rationality was trying to remind him that she wouldn't be acting this way unless she were off-balance, and that the pair of them together were apparently exacerbating things for each other.

That didn't make the ache in his chest go away, nor did it excuse what she had said.

"It's a bloody expression, Valdis. I have no interest in harming you," Devin said wearily, his voice still shaking. He hesitated, torn between withdrawing into himself and reaching out. The latter came with the risk of being burned yet again. "Quite the opposite, in fact, which you seem to have forgotten, or else don't care enough about to keep your damn tongue in check."

Devin had heard, Valdis knew even before he stopped, just by the small twist in his emotional state, still filled with sorrow for something lost. But he had stopped. He had stopped and reached out again, despite the brief hesitation. The Void, unable to come up with something to counter his reply to her words, slunk back into the darkness. A minor relief, but a relief nonetheless.

“No, I haven’t forgotten,” she replied, still quietly.

Something unwanted had somehow tied the two of them together. Whether it was Abbadon, a sense of familiarity, or a sense of loneliness. It should have been a relief to see him, someone who understood, who struggled, who wouldn’t hesitate to stop her if things became overwhelming.

“I’m sorry, Lettsverget.”

Devin bit down on a nasty reply. Neither of them were thinking wholly clearly, and he wasn't ready to accept her apology in that particular moment, but he was at least somewhat glad to hear it.

And, ultimately, there was something more important than an apology to be had.

"I don't need you to be sorry," Devin said over his shoulder, quiet. He took a shivery breath. "I need you not to prove me right. I need you not to be like everyone else."

He needed her to take what she knew of him and protect that, not use it against him.

“I told him I would screw this up.” Her frustration with herself had apparently reached a new level. The Death Angel had said it was fragile, and she had feared then that she would break it. Who would have suspected it might occur 566 years from that time. “But one lapse in judgement doesn’t make me like everyone else.”

And it was incredibly unfair for him to decide that, to give up so easily. Perhaps something else had happened, something he couldn’t quite come to terms with, something besides her words to make him think that. Emotional pain created misunderstandings, perhaps it was simply that. But to give up so easily…Except he hadn’t, had he? He was asking her to prove him wrong, if he had truly given up, those words wouldn’t have been spoken. Right?

Valdis crossed her arms over her center, her gaze dropping to the ground, all frustration replaced by soft fear, “Please don’t give up on me.”

Devin closed his eyes. A lot had happened in five months, leaving him vulnerable at almost the worst possible time. It would take him time to admit that, to let her know how things had changed. He wasn't ready, either.

Maybe they weren't the best for each other right now. Devin ran a hand over his face, glancing back at her. She would be right - he was asking for her to stick around and be different. Sighing, the vampire turned, studying her for a little while.

"I'm not," he said simply. "I'm pissed off with you and with this place." Which he wouldn't be to this depth if he didn't care. "There's a world of difference between the two. This is a shitty situation; there's no sense in being shitty at each other, too." A beat, and an arched eyebrow. "Told who?"

She'd been here a day and had already managed to piss someone off, that had to be some kind of record. When she looked up, he had turned around, seeming far less furious, though still hurting. Valdis didn't know how to reply, she could deal with strangers, she could be someone else around those who hadn't known her before, but there was no escaping those who had been in Keeliai.

She almost told him that the answer to his question didn't matter. That it had been far too long ago to matter. But in reality, it hadn't, and it did matter, because they had, once again, ended up in the same world.

"Abbadon."

To be fair, Devin was not hard to piss off right now.

His eyebrows rose a little further at her answer. Devin had not actually been privy to that conversation insofar as any detail. For a few breaths, he wasn't sure what to say or how to feel about it. It took longer than it should have to process the depth of what that meant.

She was scared of ruining his trust. She was scared.

"I see." The vampire drew closer, but left some feet between them. "You realize I wouldn't be as angry if I didn't give a damn, right?" And being angry with her did not mean he wanted nothing to do with her any longer. "Do you remember what I told you before I decided to leave Keeliai?" Namely, that Bobby had a way of undoing him.

His silence shouldn't have concerned her as much as it did. She could feel him working through something in that silence, but not knowing where he would end up, caring about where he would end up, made her uncomfortable. Or perhaps her own emotions were muddling her abilities, causing her to project upon him instead of the other way around.

When he spoke again, he seemed even calmer, though the anger still simmered, thankfully it wasn't as sharp. He moved closer, and she didn't move away, he was right, anger often accompanied caring, she'd seen it in people for thousands of years. Valdis had to think back to their last conversation, to everything they had said to one another. She took a breath.

"Something about a redhead who had broken you worse than your family had. You feared facing her again."

Was that what had happened? Had he actually gone back to his world for a time? Had Tu Vishan actually succeeded? If so, did that mean she truly was dead on her world?

Devin nodded. "More or less." This was uncomfortable for both of them. He looked away. "Five months have passed for me since the last time I was here," he explained quietly, shoving his hands into his pockets for lack of anything better to do with them. "She's back. She's killing people because of me, just to get my attention. Dozens of them," Devin said, voice cracking.

He paused, swallowing the lump in his throat. Oddly, talking about Sam and Zaynab and Eleanor and the others was somehow even harder than Bobby's violence. The vampire did not know how. So much of his attention in his life had been on controlling his emotions, in shackling them and yoking them to his will, not being open about them.

"I've been residing with a group of hunters. They've seen my name painted on a burning building full of innocents. If I had any chance of being something else to them, its gone now."

Valdis listened, absorbing the words, the meaning, his emotions. Whoever this woman was, she knew how to get to Devin. If Valdis had been on the hunt for someone, if she still lacked soul, she would do the same. Attacking those who couldn't defend themselves in order to bring your prey to you was an effective method. It made sense, it was logical, and the fact that she knew it could work perhaps said something about her that she didn't wish to confront.

For a brief moment, Valdis wanted to reach out somehow, to reassure him that things would be fine. But nothing she could do would make what happened better in any way.

"Devin," she replied, gaze lifting to watch him, hating everything she felt. "If you mean anything to them, it won't change just because you have a ruthless enemy."

Her enemies would never use such methods, if only because she was too selfish for such methods to work. She'd played that game long enough to not be played by it now.

This was why Devin had a rule about no attachments, and why he had insisted with everyone here that being an entire world away was no guarantee of safety. Even if Bobby never followed him here, he remembered what she had done and threatened to do. Anyone who sheltered him and anyone he cared about - hell, anyone he simply associated with - was at risk.

"It's not that simple," he sighed heavily. He didn't know how to exist like this, balancing on a knife-edge and at a loss of what to do with himself. "Nothing feels stable, not even here."

"I'm pretty sure this place is the definition of unstable," Valdis pointed out, "But if you're worried about her coming here, well, I'm fairly certain that we could take her. After all, I do possess a blade forged by angels."

It might have been a joke, but there was some seriousness to it as well. Valdis didn't know much about this woman aside from the fact that Devin feared her, but death came to all things and she knew how to wield it as a weapon. That had to count for something.

That's not what he meant, and Devin didn't want to explain that he was unstable, that being with the hunters had exposed something without giving him time to adjust and feel comfortable with. Assuming he could feel comfortable. It seemed like someone was holding a flame to his nerve endings.

Devin was fully aware that Valdis would be able to sense when his emotions and his words were working in opposite directions. He offered her a wry smile, cold and fake.

"There is that," he allowed. He was still upset with her, but he could get over it eventually. Probably. "Speaking of which, I still have your dagger."

Subject: changed.

Something near shock flitted through her eyes, and she might have expected anger to follow, but she lacked the energy to even pretend that anger was justified.It felt like a betrayal. He knew it would hurt her to lie like this, to pretend with a smile, because he knew she would see through it. Valdis felt nothing from the Void, not even satisfaction, and she knew the creature well enough to realize that it would bide its time.

And when it did act, the ammunition would hurt.

"I see," she replied, her voice painfully steady, "Well, I pray it serves you better than it did my father."

~~Someone needs to sit them down and make them talk like grownups.~~

That did not look like it had the intended effect, but he wasn't in any fit state to dive back in and find out why. Still, she... wasn't calling him on it, which was something. There was no satisfaction in this, nor even relief. All it gave him was a little more time to rebuild his walls. Devin was a mess, really, though he wouldn't admit it aloud.

"I'd rather it not have to," Devin said honestly. He didn't want to raise a blade against her unless it was for sport. "But I was surprised to still have it, seeing as I apparently didn't stay in the Dreaming." If there was meaning there, he wasn't sure what to make of it.

"Perhaps the Dreaming knew you might need it."

There couldn't really be another answer.

"Do you remember when I told you I once sought to destroy every life in Keeliai?" She asked, her gaze dropping to the ground again, her fingers tightening against her arms, "I had just lost the man I loved, and I was trying to force Raine to destroy me. It was irrational, an incident born of grief at the loss of something I had never experienced before. I swore I would never let my emotions get the better of me in that manner again."

Or the Dreaming just kept track of his inventory when he left ~~it kept his save point~~, or something similarly inscrutable.

"Yes, I remember," he confirmed. Devin wasn't sure where she was going with this, although her explanation clarified more about why she would do such a thing. It didn't surprise him. After killing his parents, those first few years had practically been rage-fueled blurs, and after Bobby-- it had changed him irreversibly once more.

"It's hard to know how a person reacts to something they've never experienced," Devin added, as though to say there was no way she could predict lashing out.

"Perhaps."

Yet that wasn't even close to the point.

"I once said I preferred not to lie to you," she continued, not yet meeting his gaze, "I'm not going to change that now."

Valdis took a breath, then another. Steadying herself, steeling her mind and pushing away anything else she felt. Then she looked up, completely calm, her eyes not quite cold, and when she spoke, her tone was soft, unwavering.

"The next time I desire destruction," she began. "be assured it will be cold, calculated, and I won't give you another option."

Anton had saved her once, but she hadn't truly wanted to die. Her pain had simply been so immense she couldn't see how she could survive. She knew without a doubt that she was capable of the exact same atrocities that woman in Devin's world was. The difference being that she hoped it would never come to that.

Well, at least she was blunt about it. Devin studied her silently, assessing the contrast between her eyes and her tone. He lacked the benefit of empathy, but he was observant. She meant what she was saying, and it had a different flavor than the pact they had struck before. It had the flavor of a warning. That did not sit well.

If you won't give me another option, I'll just have to take it.

"Then I will do what I have to," Devin replied, truthful. He could still kill her if it came to that, even in this state. However, that did not preclude taking action before it reached that point, to drag her back from the brink kicking and screaming if need be. "Although I can say with some certainty that I will not be the only one who would not want you driven to that."

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