A Good For Nothin' Louse

[shivvymetimbers]

Characters: Captain Bastien & Whomever joins him! (Open)
Date: All throughout May
Location: Random locations in Aifaran
Situation: Doing what pirates do best? Looting & pillaging! Causing trouble!
Warnings/Rating: PG-14, mentions of blood, nudity & crime


I. ᴛʀᴀᴘᴘᴇᴅ ɪɴ ᴀ ɴᴇᴛ

"Help!"

A shrill cry shatters the fragile peace of the bay once poor Bastien got caught in that net. He forgo his pirate ways today in order to enjoy a soothing dip in the sea. It's been awhile since Bastien gotten to enjoy life as a merman. For too long he pretended to be human and even longer so spent too many days on land. He was itching for the chance to spread his fins. However, Bastien ended up getting trapped within this fishing net all thanks to his gluttony.

"Help me! Help me, please!" He yells pathetically while trying to break free. A faint trickle of blood slithers in between his turquoise scales as he keeps trashing about in the water. That absurdly long hair of his is tangled within the net too. The more he moves, the tighter the net becomes. This must belong to a commercial fisherman since its meant to gather a large quantity of fish. Too bad for Bastien that the net circled around him when he attempted to steal a tasty trout.

"HELLPPPPPPP!!!"


----


II. ʀᴇᴀᴄʜ ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ sᴋɪᴇs

It all happens so fast!

One moment you're walking down the street minding your own business browsing the wares and the next you're getting yanked by the arm into a nearby alleyway. It happens too fast. There's barely a moment to catch your breath before some bloke armed with a sword presses the blade against your neck. "Move and I'll run you through!" Bastien growls menacingly as he grips the hilt of his blade. If you're a fan of swords or even a historian, you might notice that the sword in question is a French rapier hailing from the 18th century. If not? It's just a fancy sword, a little too fancy for this pretty boy pirate. Maybe he stole it from someone?

Well, that's a story for another day.

"Empty your pockets, mate." Bastien smirks impishly as he steps back a little. That fancy sword of his is still awfully close to your neck. "I want all your valuables and then some. Either part with them now or part with them in death."

The pirate states in a rather arrogant tone.

"Your choice."


----

III. ʏᴇ ᴏʟᴅᴇ ᴡᴀᴛᴇʀɪɴɢ ʜᴏʟᴇ

You know, sometimes a refreshing glass of wine is needed.

Sipping on a glass of red as the evening rolls in isn't a bad idea if done at home. There's a special place in hell for boozers who bring wine into a quaint little café like this. Blame the "Fool" for introducing Die Rosa Tulpe to Bastien. The pirate visited once before and fell in love with it. That explains why he's using this café as his own personal den as he tries to recruit a new gang while enjoying his wine.

"You, boy." He gestures to some fella who was just wandering past. Just another patron. "Want to make some riches, lad?" Bastien asks as he tilts his tricorn hat to the side in a failed attempt to look threatening. "If you got the stones for it, a pirate's life is the way to go." He suggests with a chuckle as he sips his wine. The Frenchman takes a moment to enjoy the sweet aftertaste of this brilliant brew before landing his offer. Wine as good as this must be savored slowly.

"I'm lookin' for a new crew, lad. Care to join?"

Comments

II | Forward Dated slightly

[redlightgreenlight]

With her vision still recovering from whatever affliction she had faced earlier in the month, Valdis wasn't entirely prepared to be drug into a nearby alleyway. She moved with it, unconcerned as the blade pressed against her throat.

"I'm afraid you've threatened the wrong woman," Valdis replied, her tone cool, collected and even amused.

She drew her angelic blade with more speed than any human could muster, knocking his rapier aside and directing the tip of her sword at his throat. Revelations glowed brightly in her grip, the red gem in the hilt flashing in time with her heartbeat.

"And even if you managed to kill me with your paltry skill," she smiled, her emerald eyes icy, "I don't stay dead."

[shivvymetimbers]

Uh oh.

Bastien didn't quite expect all that. He figured the little woman would be too startled to retaliate. Like a normal woman, you know? The pirate didn't figure he would find himself at the opposite end of a sword. So when she suddenly unsheathes this angelic looking holy sword out of nowhere, Bastien is taken by surprise. He didn't quite think of any contingency plans if such a problem was to arrive. Bastien just thought this would be an easy enough mugging.

He was quite wrong.

"Whoa!" Bastien nearly screams once that dangerous looking sword pokes at his throat. He lowers his sword slowly with eyes dilated in absolute fear. "Don't kill me! Don't kill me!" The pirate pleads once he swears his life is flashing before his eyes.

[redlightgreenlight]

Valdis arched a brow, amusement filling her eyes, "I can see that you aren't nearly as intimidating as you try to pretend to be."

His fear was evident in his essence, tone and physicality, how pathetic. She lowered the tip of her sword from his throat, but didn't let her guard down. Examining him with a critical eye. Not human, she could tell from his soul, though as to what he was, she didn't have anything to compare to.

"I'm not going to kill you," she said, "Appearances can be quite deceiving, as you have just learned."

She sheathed her sword, settling back with her arms crossed, "You should know that I'm a member of the Sentry as well, robbing an officer of the law is either very bold, or very stupid, perhaps try to observe your targets instead of picking them at random."

[shivvymetimbers]

Ouch. Bastien's pride took a tremendous blow with that first comment. Is she questioning his manliness? Certainly seems like it and that wins a frown. "I'm the Devilfish of the Mediterranean. I can assure you that I'm quite threatening..." He pauses briefly. "Sometimes." The pirate let's out an awkward cough. Bastien is quite aware that he isn't threatening like some other men but he tries to make up for it by seeming larger than life. Although, it doesn't help that he's just an inch taller than the average woman and lean to boot.

"Appearances are deceiving but you're an outright lie." He says with an annoyed huff once the woman spares his life. "It would be my luck to pluck the one rose that has thorns." Bastien sighs quietly as he wipes the sweat pff his brown. He's grateful to be alive.

"Eh!?!" Bastien's eyes widen some once he hears that sentry bit. "You're a bloomin' guard?!"

[redlightgreenlight]

The man wasn't wrong about her being a lie, her secrets were far darker than her appearance would tell. Valdis continued to watch him, ready to cut him off should he try to escape or make another move, though she appeared perfectly relaxed.

"Well, Devilfish of the Mediterranean," she laughed, "I hate to break it to you, but all roses have thorns, mine are just sharper than most."

The gem in the hilt of her sword continued to pulse, the presence of the blade a familiar and soothing one and she rested her hand on the hilt.

"I am many things to many people," she replied, her expression coy, "But, yes, you could call me a guard."

[shivvymetimbers]

Escaping is definitely on Bastien's mind since he doesn't want to spend his evening in a jail cell. However, he doubts he could take her in a battle. The woman is clearly faster than him and probably a tad stronger. Out of all the wenches he could've picked to rob, he gets this one. This woman will run him through if he isn't careful. Bastien makes sure there's ample distance between them.

"Is that right, luv?" The pirate questions as he idly steps towards the left. "I didn't know that but I'll remember it for next time." Bastien states as he suddenly sashays towards the right. He's up to something judging from the mischief in his gaze.

"Well, mademoiselle, do you have a name?" Bastien asks as he inches two steps backwards.

[redlightgreenlight]

Valdis still watched his movements with pure amusement on her fair features. The man obviously recognized his grave error in attempting to rob her. Her awareness of his fidgeting didn't compromise the fact that she knew he was going to try to run. His question was clearly a cover, yet she would answer it, with a few twists.

"Valdis, Dronning av Hundr, shattered angel, wielder of the divine blade Revelations, and Goddess of Chaos." She lifted her chin and a breath of air passed through the alley as she summoned her ka.

If Bastien were to look behind him, he would see a massive, white wolf wearing golden armor. Her green eyes the same color as the woman's in front of him.

"I do hope you weren't planning on leaving our little chat before it has reached it's conclusion," Valdis continued, "I'd hate to have to arrest you for threatening an officer of the law with death."

III

[iseeall]

Unfortunately, Bastien's proposition caught the attention of one of the employees of Dia Rosa Tulpa, who really didn't have time for this guy's bullshit.

"Look, I dunno if you're trying to reenact a medieval scene or something, but can you please refrain from bothering the customers?" Leo said, as politely as he could manage. He's seen some strange things, but they usually weren't wearing period costume and drinking wine in a cafe.

[shivvymetimbers]

Bastien does look like some kind of roleplayer, doesn't he? Too bad he isn't. The pirate let's out an annoyed hiss as he shoots a glare at the boy. "Mind your own damn business, you fleabitten bilge rat!" Bastien nearly shouts as he slams his fist loudly against the table. The whole effect would've made him seem intimidating if he didn't wince right afterwards. That actually kind of hurt.

"You done scared my recruit off!" Bastien huffs as he gestures towards the retreating patron. "I almost snagged me a new first mate."

[iseeall]

Leo did slightly jump at the guy pounding his fist against the table, but unfortunately he was actually getting used to people not being loud assholes for once. Some good that did him.

He just loved customer service. "It just looked like you were bothering the poor man from my angle. Can you PLEASE, just like...order something and stop bothering other people? They're just here to enjoy the peace and quiet."

[shivvymetimbers]

The look upon Bastien's face turns threatening. "Are you tryin' to boss me around, midget?" He asks as he slowly rises out of his seat. "Cause I don't take kindly to threats." In just a second, the annoying pirate storms over towards the lad and lunges for him in an attempt to yank him by the collar.

"I'm Captain Bastien Courbis, lad." He introduces with a slight snarl. "Diables de mer Méditerranéens, the Devilfish of the Mediterranean, the Fiercest man of the Seven Seas! Captain of the Red Hornet and admiral of the Red Flag Fleet!" It takes awhile to get through that many titles but Bastien quotes them all like a pro.

"I will not be disrespected by some little shite like you."

[iseeall]

Leo started to think that maybe confrontation was a bad idea around the time Bastien's facial expression changed, and the grabbing at the collar certainly cemented that. Leo was worried about the potential trouble he'd cause for everyone else in the cafe, but the instant the pirate grabbed at him, Valdis' training kicked in and he was grabbing at and hopefully twisting the man's arm, attempting to drive him back into the table.

"Don't manhandle me, you drunk bastard!!" Leo yelled, just in case the ruckus wasn't obvious enough yet.

[shivvymetimbers]

Drunk bastard?! But he's not even drunk! Maybe pleasantly buzzed but definitely not drunk enough yet. Although, none of that seems to matter once that brat catches him off guard. "Hey---Ow!" Bastien hisses when that little twerp twists his arm behind him.

"Lemme go, dammit!" The pirate trashes violently as he tries to yank his pistol off his belt with his free hand. "I'll shoot you full of holes, I swear!" He tries to aim the gun at the boy but the angle is off when he shoots. Instead of killing anyone, he shatters the window.

I

[necrocabbage]

After his time helping with the beach cleanup, Trahearne had decided that he quite liked visiting the bay. While it wasn't his first time at a busy dock, he had never lived close to the ocean before, and the novelty hadn't worn off yet. He had discovered a pier that was at enough of a distance from the warehouses that it wasn't always in use, making it a nice spot to enjoy the pleasant weather.

He was standing at the end of that pier when he heard the distant shouting, and something splashing at the surface of the water. Trahearne couldn't see much in the way of details, but he immediately assumed that someone was drowning. He hardly hesitated before jumping into the water, starting to swim in that direction. There was no one else close enough to be of assistance, making Trahearne's alarm push him to a faster speed. He could only hope that he'd get there in time.

[shivvymetimbers]

The screaming continues as this intrepid hero swims nearer. "Help!! Help me!" Bastien keeps yelling as he tries in vain to break loose from this accursed net. Every bit of thrashing just gets him more entangled but Bastien doesn't seem to quite understand that. The merman thankfully can breathe underwater or else would've drown by now. Still, the bite of this metallic net is enough to keep him writhing in pain.

After some more tugging, Bastien eventually gives up. He floats there for a moment looking absolutely miserable until he spots something in the distance. "Huh...?" The merman stares in confusion when something green starts treading towards him. It looks like a pile of weeds but it has a humanoid shape. Uncertain and possibly a little freaked out, Bastien starts struggling harder to escape. Several wires in the netting start to unravel thanks to his efforts but the damn things ends up coiling around his neck. Bastien tries to break free again but ends up tightening this metaphorical noose.

"Shite!" A wheezing gasp escapes Bastien as he tries to pry the wires off his neck. Now he might be in some real trouble.

[necrocabbage]

Even now that Trahearne was close enough to see the real problem, he couldn't say he still quite knew what was going on. So far he had gathered that there was a man caught in a net, and - was there something else in that net with him? That was somewhat disturbing, but the immediate problem was far more troublesome.

"Stop!" Trahearne slowed to shout out to him, but he was still swimming towards him, knowing that he wouldn't be of much help at a distance. "I'm here to help you, but you must stop moving!" Reaching out to him, Trahearne made a grab for his shoulder, just trying to hold him still long enough to see how badly he was tangled up.

[shivvymetimbers]

He stops! Bastien stops moving completely.

The merman freezes in place once the metal wire around his neck tightens. He can barely breathe at this point but at least he's not turning blue yet. "I-I'm not movin'!" Bastien shouts as he tries to remain as still as possible. "Not movin' at all." He claims while doing his best not to wiggle his tail too much. Yes, that's a fish tail. This mock damsel-in-distress doesn't have legs currently. He's all scales and fins.

Bastien is nervous, very nervous. Not only is he about to get strangled to death by this damn net but now there's some sort of swamp monster saving him. This bloke before him looks like end result of a man sticking it to a cabbage or maybe the other way around. Bastien knows there's all sorts of wondrous creatures in Aifaran but he never thought he would meet a talking fern. This is the first for him. So excuse Bastien as he stares at his would-be savior unblinkingly. His amber gaze lingers on the odd red glow of the stranger's hair.

[necrocabbage]

Trahearne is feeling a bit bewildered himself, after realizing that there wasn't anything else in the net after all, but that the tail and fins he'd caught glimpses of were there in place of the man's legs. Even the very concept was foreign to him - the krait on his world held some slight resemblance to this, but they were more serpentine than fish, and much uglier to boot. Krait certainly never resembled a human nearly as much as this person did.

Clearing his throat a little awkwardly, Trahearne reached out to touch the wire around his neck. "Very good." He makes an attempt to unwind it, but the water made his grip so slippery that he soon gave up on the attempt. "I can free you, but I'll have to use my magic to do it. It might look alarming, but you have to remain still no matter what. Do you understand?"

He can't waste much time. It would be easier to untangle him on dry land, but trying to pull this human-fish to shore might end up choking him completely. No, Trahearne had to do this right here, right now. As soon as he gets even the slightest positive answer to his question, his form darkens, becoming wreathed in wispy black shadows as he takes on his death shroud. Trahearne curls his fingers into the holes of the netting near the man's neck, a burst of a sickly-looking green energy snapping the metal wire apart. His time in this form was so limited that after it worked the first time, he just started grabbing whatever parts of the net he could get his hands on, making a wider hole in it handfuls at a time.

[shivvymetimbers]

This is truly an bizarre encounter for them both but now unfortunately isn't the time for them to revel in it. An agonized gasp escapes Bastien once the cabbage starts tugging at the wires. After one failed attempt, Bastien swore he felt the metal wires tighten a bit more. He's starting to feel dizzy now. A grisly end for the once infamous pirate if this overgrown fern can't save him.

"O-oui." Bastien manages to croak out with a slight nod. "Do it." While he's typically adverse about magic, Bastien rather not die here. The merman squirms a little in fright once some shadowy aura claims the man. Just what in the hell is this? See this is why Bastien hates magic. It's dangerous, peculiar and honestly terrifying. His eyes dilate in absolute terror once the creature's hands reach for his neck. Just what is this terrible and foreboding aura surrounding him? Bastien has no idea but he knows better than to squirm now.

"I'm free!" He shouts in joy once the wire around his neck is broken. "Yes! You did it! Keep goin'!" It takes a few more tugs to get him out of th net but once he can wiggle his tail out of it, Bastien breaks free. He manages to get his hair untangled with little effort before putting some distance between him that awful net.

"Je suis libre! Je suis libre!" Bastien chants merrily as he swims circles around his so-called hero. He's a fast damn fish. Much faster than most fish his size. He literally swims three mini laps round the cabbage man before coming to an abrupt halt before him. It's then that he peeks shyly at the plantlike fellow with a sheepish grin.

"Um, thanks..."

III

[spoilsfun]

Conan favors the pirate with the most unimpressed of expressions.

"Piracy is a crime, you know."

Re: III

[shivvymetimbers]

The pirate returns the look with one of his own.

"So?" He questions with a scowl. "It's profitable."

[spoilsfun]

"Not if you get caught."

Crime never pays, he doesn't say.

[shivvymetimbers]

"Who says I'll be caught?"

Bastien glares down at the lad as he sips his wine. He stolen that bottle of red earlier in the day from some unsuspecting shopkeeper. The café doesn't sell any alcoholic drinks.

"Son, I don't think you understand whom you're speakin' to."

[spoilsfun]

"You just tried to recruit a detective for your pirate crew."

Did anything else need to be said?

[shivvymetimbers]

The pirate arches his brow and stares at the youth cross-eyed.

"That's a load of bull!" He laughs. "You're not even big enough for your breeches, lad."